What is the perfect marriage? To start, it doesn’t exist. This is not to say that marriage isn’t wonderful—it is! And a healthy marriage can be a source of trust, happiness, comfort, and love. But, all too often, individuals seek professional help for their marriage believing they must be failing because it isn’t picture perfect. It never will be.
Continue reading to learn the reasons why there is no such thing as a perfect marriage (and why that is okay) and tips to nurture a healthy, loving marriage!
Why the “Perfect Marriage” is a Fallacy
Everyone is looking for that ideal romantic relationship. We want all the perks of being in love and avoiding the difficult parts. From an early age, we create an idea in our heads of what the perfect marriage looks like and invest a lot of our adult life attempting to locate our perfect companion. In reality, it doesn’t exist. Just like with other aspects of life, having a successful marriage is complex. The following are reasons why a perfect marriage doesn’t exist.
Nobody is Perfect
Creating a perfect marriage necessitates that both partners be faultless all the time, yet how achievable is that? The reality is that both you and your partner are human, so neither of you are perfect. You will sometimes experience hunger, exhaustion, annoyance, sadness, and so on. You shouldn’t expect every moment to be full of joy; there will be times when both of you will not be so pleasant.
You and your partner may experience moments when you can’t tolerate the other’s presence. If you think that having a perfect marriage means never having a disagreement or never finding them hard to be around, such a goal is impossible and it will put too much strain on both of you. The ideal marriage is one in which you remain together, even in the hardest times. If you are unable to accept your spouse’s flaws, then you have the wrong idea about marriage. People and marriage have flaws; this is the nature of things.
The Honeymoon Phase Fades
When a couple is in the early stages of their marriage or relationship, they are usually filled with feelings of love and desire. This is commonly known as the “Honeymoon Stage.” During this time, certain hormones are released into the brain that create feelings of intimacy and passion. People become addicted to the feeling of being in love, and the brain is programmed to think of their partner as something to be rewarded. Unfortunately, these feelings don’t last forever. As the couple becomes more comfortable with one another, the passionate love that was felt in the beginning starts to fade.
Once the initial thrill of getting to know someone in a romantic relationship has passed, it does not necessarily mean that the love between the two people is gone. People may have the misconception that the “honeymoon stage” of a relationship is meant to last forever, and when they find out that it does not, they may worry that there is an issue with their relationship. However, the truth is that there is nothing wrong with their marriage, it is simply that their notion of what an ideal marriage is was misguided.
Other People are Involved in Marriage
When you wed, you don’t just tie the knot with your companion; you also join their family. Many unmarried couples assume that the ideal marriage will be centered around them, all the time. But what they don’t consider is that the perfect marriage is joining two families, not just two people. As much as you may want to keep to yourselves, understand that your families will have a part in your marriage. You will need to communicate with your families during your marriage.
There will be family matters that will have an impact on your relationship. The ideal marriage cannot exist when you have family members on either side that make things difficult. Remember, any issues you experience in your relationship won’t vanish once you get married. If you have problematic family members or don’t like your partner’s family, you will be facing them for the long haul.
Mistakes Will Be Made
Human beings, as equal partners in a romantic relationship, are not infallible. We are not perfect and make errors regularly. We will sometimes act or speak in a way that causes regret, and despite the ideal of a marriage in which neither partner messes up, this is not achievable in the real world. As we go through life, there are highs and lows which can influence our behavior and outlook, and this can in turn affect how we treat our significant other. When mistakes are made in the relationship, both people must work together to resolve the issue.
Achieving a successful marriage requires both partners to have mutual esteem and be prepared to resolve their issues together. This means that it is essential to learn to let go of past errors and make a fresh start. Holding onto resentment and anger towards your partner is an easy way to sabotage a strong union. In order to have a perfect marriage, both parties must be ready to give and accept forgiveness.
“Perfect” Doesn’t Exist
It is impossible to achieve a marriage that is completely flawless as perfection is an impossible concept. We are all exposed to a range of influences, such as media, culture, and our social circle, that shape our ideas of what an ideal marriage should be. Unfortunately, reality does not match up to this perfect image that we have in our minds. There will always be faults in any situation, and marriage is no exception. If you continue to pursue a marriage that is perfect, you will be left feeling unsatisfied. Instead, aim to have a marriage that is happy and content, which can be achieved if both partners are willing to work together.
Tips For a Happy Marriage
Just because perfect marriages don’t exist doesn’t mean marriage can be happy, healthy, and fulfilling. Perfect marriages may not exist but happy marriages do! The following are essential components of a healthy, successful marriage—no perfection involved.
You Support Each Other
In a married relationship, the two partners may not have the same professional aspirations. One of them may not even be familiar with the type of work that the other one engages in. Nonetheless, what is essential is the amount of support they provide to one another in pursuing their objectives. A successful marriage is one in which the partners are encouraging and assist each other in reaching their goals. They act as one another’s source of strength and inspiration. Achieving joy in the accomplishments of your partner is an essential part of a happy marriage.
You Work Through Issues Together
No marriage is exempt from quarrels, disagreements, and separations. The issues couples usually fight about may cause a period of no contact, which is one of the most serious mistakes a married couple can make: lack of communication. It is essential to recognize that all married couples experience arguments and disagreements. Establishing an open line of communication between the two is one of the main components of a successful marriage.
Couples that talk through their issues instead of letting them grow more complex are likely to be more content in their union. Instead of going to bed angry and pretending nothing happened the night before, address your issues when they arise. This will make a positive difference in the long run and you will learn how to better manage conflicts.
There’s Mutual Respect
The foundation of any sound relationship is mutual respect. This applies to the connection between parents and kids, siblings, and even colleagues. When the individual you are speaking to does not regard you, the discussion stops being a discourse and turns into a monologue. This is because they do not value your input. When a marriage is missing respect, the situation can quickly become worse.
Consider it, when a partner starts to feel hurt because their feelings and thoughts are not acknowledged, how beneficial can the relationship truly be? Possibly the most significant trait of a strong marriage is respect. Couples who value each other’s opinions and choices are more likely to be content in their marriage. Equality is an imperative part of respecting your partner. When you treat your partner fairly and make them part of your decisions, you equally show respect to one another. Respecting your spouse is a fundamental element of a successful relationship.
You Openly Discuss the Future
Partners in a strong marriage look ahead and have an idea of what they want to accomplish as a couple. Open communication is key; making decisions about the future together is an indication of a healthy relationship. This includes talking about investments, future buys, retirement, and other economic elements that require discussion. If ten years from now, one spouse decides to use their money to purchase a cryptocurrency that just came out, this could be a source of conflict. Qualities of a good spouse involve conversations about the future – from booking holiday trips together to discussing finances and where to live when the children have gone away or when they become millionaires.
You Compromise For Each Other
In order to have a successful marriage, it is essential for both partners to prioritize one another and be willing to make compromises. This means that both people in the marriage must make an effort to make the other person happy and understand their needs. It is only when compromise does not feel like a chore that a marriage can be deemed successful. It is natural for couples to have to make adjustments in the first year of marriage, where both parties may have to give up some things in order to gain others. Rather than complain about their sacrifices, they should be grateful and show respect towards each other.
Restoration Counseling Can Help You Get Back on Track
Although a perfect marriage doesn’t exist, a happy and healthy one can. If you are in need of Christian marriage counseling, Restoration Counseling is here to help you. Seeking assistance from an external source is essential if you want to make sure the Word of God is echoed in your marriage.
When we search for counseling, it demonstrates that we are humble and request the Lord’s intercession. He will be present in each session if you and your partner both agree to receive help through Christian marriage counseling. You can find out more about Christian marriage counseling or any of the other treatments we provide by getting in touch with the professionals at Restoration Counseling today. We are here to assist you in any way we can.